Where C-SPAN is the local TV news
|
|
| The Washington Canard Where C-SPAN is the local TV news |
|
|
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
A MESSAGE FROM THE WASHINGTON CANARD Did I just stop blogging without warning or explanation? I certainly did. In lieu of a defense, I've commissioned my youngest sister to dictate a site announcement. Here it is:
P.S. — While we're waiting for the Ducks' bowl game, check out this site, where the author assigns Simpsons characters to represent various NCAA teams. Apparently Oregon is Rainier Wolfcastle, and while there's some Nike-related snark, we fared better than most of the Pac-10. Can you guess who's Patty & Selma? Tuesday, December 13, 2005
SO... Let me get this straight:  GM is naming its new Buick after a brand of milk? UPDATE — Why I love Nexis: It turns out the Lucerne, introduced this year by GM vice chairman Bob Lutz (also the official company blogger), was originally a concept car from the late 1980s. The irony is that Lutz has released it with a slate of so-called "LutzMobiles" at a time when the company is in peril (Mickey Kaus is right, the only cool one is the Pontiac Solstice), just as the original was unveiled with a line of GM prototypes when former Michael Moore nemesis Roger Smith himself was under fire. Here's what the Chicago Tribune said in 1999: In January 1988, then GM Chairman Roger Smith invited stockholders, politicians, celebrities and the media to New York. Smith wanted to take the heat off GM, criticized for look-alike cars, by unveiling a host of concepts to prove novel cars were soon coming--the Buick Lucerne, Cadillac Voyage, Chevy Venture (sedan, not the van), Olds Aerotech, Pontiac Banshee and one truck, the GMC Centaur, named for the half-man, half-horse of Greek mythology.And here's Crain's Automotive News, January 4, 1988: Buick's image car, the Lucerne, is based on a Riviera. ... Earlier versions of Buick's Lucerne actually were called the Riviera, then the name was changed to Sceptre and finally to Lucerne. It shows Buick as the premium American motor car, part of the division's mission statement. It is large, substantial, with a combination of beauty and power, as it is described by its designers, without being the doctor's car of Buick's past.True, doctors don't really make house calls any longer. But neither does the milk man. Sunday, December 11, 2005
THE WEEK IN SNOW From Wednesday night through Thursday morning, the District looked well on its way to late-fall wonderland. Snow was falling, schools were closing, local television journalists were hyperventilating. But it lacked staying power. It wasn't built for the long haul. And for no good reason except digital cameras are fun, I have the photographic record:  Whooo!! Taken approximately 5:00 am, moments before departure. Others may disagree, but snowy commutes are rare enough for me for it to be less of a pain in the neck and more of an adventure.  Above, proof that I am pretty much the first person to leave my apartment building each morning.  Already, though, the main streets had been cleared. This, well before rush hour traffic begins.  Then about 6am it turned from "wintry mix" to rain. Far from ice, puddles formed at low points in the pavement and streams ran in the gutters. I'd fortuitously brought along my umbrella, but as I mentioned at the time, my socks got wet. I hate that.  Now, that looks like it could be a pretty fun job.  Early afternoon, from an angle that might look familiar if you've seen "Fahrenheit 9/11." No egomaniacal documentarians here this day, and not much left of the snowscape I'd seen in the morning. It's been cold enough this weekend that there's still some of the white stuff lying around, but in its present state, I just wish it would go away. Come on, 10-day forecast, give me some good news. ABOUT A GIRL II Following up this, I received this e-mail earlier in the weekend: Dear Billy,Well, at least she recognizes that the iPod is only an "if," though I admit I fibbed about that. But — *sigh* — here I was ready to create a unique, kid-friendly and accessible sound collage using cuts from Puffy Ami Yumi, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Frank Sinatra, Roger Miller, Johnny Cash and others. Instead, I'm afraid I'll have to become much more familiar with the above artists than I'd planned. It's my father's fault, you see. Once upon a time he was a solid Beatles fan, then lapsed into just playing Wings' Greatest Hits, and lately has drifted toward crossover country — bringing along my youngest sisters, whom he often shuttles around Portland in his giant GMC (not Chevy) Suburban. Morgen Morgan shares part of the blame. Well, I guess those girls are just going to get more music than they bargained for. And something else... is it just me, or do homemade presents seem like cheaper presents than storebought ones? Maybe it's the file-sharing aspect that renders this whole project somewhat less than altruistic. Hmm... I bet they'd like some bubbles. P.S. — Am I crazy for thinking that I actually like Big and Rich? Apparently Pitchfork won't review them, and sure they're kind of a novelty act, but they're fun, and I can think of at least four of their songs that I wouldn't skip past on my iPod. COLORBLIND Alack! The coloring contest voters at Welcome to Blog are ignorant, irony-deficient wenches and ruffians. How else to explain that my entry* finished fourth in a field of four?  You know, based on this. Alas, I put off e-mailing my co-workers for help in creating an avalanche of support for my avant garde creation. I guess it's like the Oscars — you can't win if you don't campaign. What's more, Welcome to Blog told me in an e-mail dated Nov. 28: Thanks for your submission. If it were up to me I'd give you the top prize right now. But it's out of my hands. The fate your masterpiece lies in the hands of "Welcome to Blog'"s readership.Wenches and ruffians, the lot of you! _____ * Warning: Contains objectionable language. Just FYI. Thursday, December 08, 2005
BILL'S SENSE OF SNOW  Can you tell it's snowing here? This was the first flurry of the season, which dusted the city with an inch or two that didn't really stick. Now the Post says we could be getting up to 6 inches by morning. It's still clear as this post goes up in mid-evening, following a sun-shiny day, albeit one that barely got above 32 Fahrenheit. Unlucky for me, I always have to work snow days, even when the government (and with it 90% of official Washington) closes. Like the Pacific Northwest, this can be prompted by as little as 1 inch forecast. Meanwhile, it's got to be a thirty-year storm outside before I get the day off. Lucky for me in that case, my entire Metro commute is underground. And it will be Friday. If there are good pictures to be taken, I'll take them. Stay tuned.UPDATE — Early next morning. DCist reports: "Last night's storm dumped a whopping — well, we don't actually know how much snow came down. It certainly looks like less than an inch here in Northwest, but the local news outlets seem to be too embarassed by their doomsaying to fess up about the actual amount. Nevertheless, an icy coating may mean problems for your morning commute."Well, it was still snowing when I woke up at 4:30, and I saw at least 2 inches on the ground in my part of NW, maybe 3. But by the time I exited the Metro in Foggy Bottom, it was raining, not to mention slushy instead of icy. Luckily I had thought to bring my umbrella, but unluckily my Doc Martens aren't as watertight as they used to be. So now I'm sipping hot cocoa and waiting for my socks to dry. TMI RE: JJC & RMB A few readers of the Washington Canard will remember my old friend Jerome Cole, who contributed for a time to the Oregon Commentator back when I was running the company. Since I left Eugene, he's been living somewhere or another on the Asian continent, and is currently based in Guangzhou. He's a bit of an odd fellow, this Jerome, and he'd surely offer up the fact himself. In fact, he's been sharing the weirdness since August at his pointedly un-PC (and apparently uncensored) Flied Lice, while sharing some amusing photos along the way. And then sometimes, he'll tell stories like this one: My now ex-girlfriend successfully arranged to have the crap kicked out of me by her cousin and one of his friends. I am bruised, bleeding a little, and scared shitless. I am also bankrupt, again. She stole about 20,000RMB! She took about 3800RMB in cash and took 16,000RMB and some change from my bank account. Add my medical bills into this and I am looking at a big loss. In fact I have about enough money to buy half a coffee at Starbucks. The bitch even had the nerve to lift one bed, two mattresses, some very expensive books, important CDRs, most of my financial documents, my water cooler, my pre-paid bottled water coupons, a can opener, two space heaters, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I think if I count up the total financial losses attributable to my relationship with here it would add up to something like 100,000 RMB. Not chump change to a poor bastard like me. True to her stalker self, she has also left tons of her stuff here so that she has an excuse to come back.I believe I can confidently speak for everyone who might read this when I say: Yikes. P.S. — I've put an e-mail into Jerome, whom I haven't seen on Google Talk for a few weeks, even before this. I'll update this post if/when he gets back to me, or if he chimes in down in the comments. Good luck, man. UPDATE — Jerome weighs in below. All is well, or at least better than it was. Wednesday, December 07, 2005
LAURA BUSH DOT'S INFO Finally, Brandon's new about page sheds a bit of light on the convoluted name and URL of his blog, which really is really, truly called Welcome to Blog. (Note: Blogroll updated.) He also shares his thoughts on the growth and impact of blogging over the past couple years, as a haiku, naturally: Blogs! They're everywhere! Tuesday, December 06, 2005
NAME THAT TUNESMITH According to Virgin Digital, there are 74 band names represented in the image below. It's an official contest with actual prizes, but I could scarcely care less about that. As far as brainteasers go, this is one of the best I've seen in awhile. With no small amount of help from the Amputee Economist and someone I will refer to only as Jet Bracobson, I've managed to come up with exactly 60 band names.  Click on the overgrown thumbnail above to open up the full-size image, and add the names I've missed, or, persuade me I'm wrong about some of my choices. My guesses are in the comments. UPDATE — FLOG™ makes it 75. ABOUT A GIRL Some months ago, when word got around my parents' house that they were buying me an iPod Nano for my birthday, my 10-year-old sister heard that it was a replacement (for my ancient 2nd generation version). Having seen the iPod Shuffle my brother and I had purchased for our adult sister (that's the always-entertaining Morgen Morgan), she commandeered my brother's cell phone one evening conversation to ask for my old iPod (a request she was hardly alone in making). Now it's Christmastime, and sometime last night I received a message subject-lined "about a present" from my parents' account: Dear BillyAw, this isn't fair. How could I say no? Easy enough: I didn't. In my reply, I pointed out that she wouldn't have any fun with it because she currently owns no music. So I asked her what kind of music she did want (knowing full well that my parents are buying her a CD player). I never actually promised the iPod, but I did promise to think about it. Now I'm afraid she's had visions of iPods dancing in her head... visions which I will surely dash. Damn you, Steve Jobs. Friday, December 02, 2005
A NEW YORK TIMES WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT IT IS NOT  That's because it's from the Cabot (Arkansas) Star Herald. It's okay to laugh, because this came in a forwarded message originating with the Capitol Hill office of a MOC from the Natural State:  The Washington Canard wishes those crazy kids the best of luck. THAT WAS SO STUPID, GRANDPA HIT HIM WITH THE CAR!  Requiescat in Pace, actress Wendie Jo Sperber, who succumbed to breast cancer on November 29. The news accounts of her passing mostly referenced her role starring opposite Tom Hanks on the television series "Bosom Buddies," but I believe most people under the age of 30 remember her best (if they remember her at all) for her minor role in the "Back to the Future" series as the boy-crazy older sister of Marty McFly. She had a grand total of ten lines in the first film, which made it quite easy for me to Google the script* and memorialize her with those immortal lines:"Yeah, I think it's a major embarrassment having an uncle in prison."Will she be missed? Heck no! She'll be there every time I watch Robert Zemeckis' 1985 masterpiece (#130 on the IMDb's Top #250, which is too low, if you ask me). And it's easily the movie I've watched the most — over 100 times at least. Although she occupied one of the film's smaller rolls, it was nevertheless a memorable one, an airhead Rosencrantz to Marc "Dave McFly" McClure's airhead Guildenstern. But let us not forget her roles in lesser classics such as "Used Cars," "Bachelor Party" and "Mr. Payback: An Interactive Movie," even if I don't remember her being in them. Thanks, Wendie. ___________ * Lots of weird early scripts out there on the Internets: the first draft, a fake screenplay based on a novelization of the first draft, a relatively late draft, and some guy's transcription of the dialogue as heard in the film. And there's even an English hardcore punk band called Biff Tannen. |
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
 |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
