Where C-SPAN is the local TV news
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| The Washington Canard Where C-SPAN is the local TV news |
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Friday, January 27, 2006
STEFAN THE KILLER  Back in October 2001 someone named Stefan Beck, then writing for the Dartmouth Review, discovered Built to Spill, and really dug the recently-released live album, "Built to Spill Live." Good news, I say — and another blow to the seemingly widespread belief that conservatives don't listen to indie rock. Except that he describes their 20-minute cover of Neil Young's "Cortez The Killer" as "self-indulgent" and "the album’s only real low point":Why does Martsch want to call attention to the fact that he’s Neil Young’s vocal doppelganger? Here, he sounds more like Young than usual. In fact, he may sound even more like Young than Young himself does.Pardon? I haven't listened to enough Neil Young to make a final call (although I do like his 7½-minute original), but I call this blasphemous! Both versions of "Cortez" are epic and haunting and rocking. He does like the equally-long "Broken Chairs" — including the unexpected whistling in the long jam that all but anchors the song — so what gives? And what does Boise have to do with anything? A fairer criticism (and one staying within the Pacific NW rock genre) would be aimed at Isaac Brock's ill-conceived attempt at a Tom Waits homage, what Pitchfork called "a half-hearted Tom Waits pastiche," the abominable "The Devil's Workday." As for someone you probably haven't listened to enough of to make a final call, Warren Zevon's Disorder in the House [mp3] should help you make up your mind. And in other Zevon tunes, he's a killer, too. Wednesday, January 25, 2006
VICTIM COMPLEX  If you've been watching Comcast cable over the past few months, you've surely noticed the telecommunications giant's recent "Comcastic" ad campaign. If there's supposed to be more to it than an advertisement for its digital television and broadband Internet services, then I'm not sure what that would be. The annoyingly "fun" corporate site (which is slow to load and must launch into another browser window) is no help at all. But the commercials themselves, they are catchy. Perhaps the best — or at least most memorable — is the one featuring a wife-beater clad longhair (to be PC about it), who looks a bit like my first college roommate, playing the air drums to some godawful, familiar but can't-put-your-finger-on-it hard rock ballad. Like any number of accidental Internet celebrities, he's rocking out, only to nearly fall off the bed in mid-Bonham. Then says the voiceover: "Ruin your reputation four times faster." But it's the song itself that's getting all the attention. I know because I was curious about what it was, and by Googling the one lyric I was sure about, found plenty of like-minded souls. At this board and this board and this one sponsored by AdTunes.com, Comcast viewers were eager to get their hands on a copy. Like me, most had arrived via Google search and wanted to know what it was. Unlike me, some of these people were really, really, really gung-ho about this snippet of music. And I mean gung ho like Michael Keaton. The lyrics to the unknown song probably go:
A pawn in the game Loser Now let the story be told!
Pendragon Europe Firehouse Warrant Styx Dokken Whitesnake Foreigner
Siouxie and the Banshees Erasure Allow me to share some of my favorite comments from the AdTunes thread: "We should start emailing members of those bands ie Foreigner, Firehouse...hey its worth a shot."Within a few weeks of the AdTunes thread's first appearance, along came someone who seemed to be in the know. I'm inclined to believe the following: "Sorry to burst your bubble but the song you are searching for here does not exist. It was a special loop that was made just for the commercial and what you hear in the commercial is all there is to it. This was the info that I got straight from the marketing team at Comcast."The commenter claimed to be an employee at the Philly headquarters, whose info came "directly from the marketing team." Of the marketing team, he added: "By the way, they are flattered that the ruin your reputation song has generated this much activity." But some couldn't let go of the dream: "No, please, no. THIS MUST BE A REAL SONG. It has to be. Why would they go to the effort of making a fake song? It's not logical when they could very easily just use some cheesy 80s song."Well, of course it's perfectly logical. Nonexistent bands don't ask top dollar for use of their music. Here's a better question: will a quite-existent telecommunications giant have any trouble if I post the video in question? I'm sure the answer is almost certainly no, and the truth is I just needed a transition to close this out, but what the hell, lets find out:  If you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, even after seeing these still images, the picture above links to the key segment in MPG format. I can't quite get it to play in QuickTime in the browser, so it's best to right-click/ctrl-click the link, download the file and use VLC Player. Try not to crash my server, but do make an attempt to rock out. Hat tip to AdTuneser JulesBookLady for the video file. UPDATE I — Intercontinental Madison Avenue focus grouper Pretty Little Head has a friend who worked on one of the Comcastic ads, and she asked about it for me. Apparently he wasn't involved with that spot, but as she said over IM: "Yeesh. Apparently it's going around." He'd had requests for it, but didn't know whence the music came. UPDATE II — Of all the incredibly dated bands listed above, Europe is one to have a recent revival, albeit not for many Nielsens families: Their 1986 international hit "The Final Countdown" is/was the theme song for "Arrested Development" Segway-riding eldest brother George Oscar Bluth II's magic act, as well as his cell phone ringtone. Deservedly. Monday, January 23, 2006
THE HOLLOW MEN Everybody in town with at least some connection to Georgetown was head-over-heels this weekend about the Hoyas' upset victory over #1-ranked Duke. Naturally, everyone's talking about the stunning success of coach John Thompson III and his father, former coach Big John Thompson. And you really do have to hand it to them...  After all, in this conference it's no walk in the park being invisible! Monday, January 16, 2006
BLONDE ON BLONDE (ON BLONDE ON BLONDE) I was blonde, once. Then I got older. While I would now describe my hair color as light brown, others have told me that in fact I am still blonde. Whatever. Those same people would probably appreciate my efforts in passing along this blonde joke. It's a good one. Maybe the best ever. Definitely worth clicking. SATURDAY AFTERNOON MASSACRE  Perhaps it's the Redskins logo I should be hanging upside-down. After all, it wasn't like Shaun Alexander ran all over us this weekend. In fact, we ran over him. Rather, it was that our offense was exhausted and broken after an unexpected sprint to the post-season, and they lost us a game the defense kept winnable. And while there's plenty of fault to be found right now — with Mark Brunell, the offensive line, the defensive secondary — I'll hold back my criticism until it seems like Brunell's return or Ramsey's ascension is about to be announced. In these last two games, a touchdown not handed to us by a bone-headed turnover on the other team's part was almost too much to ask for. Come to think of it, first downs were usually too much to ask for. If there's any upside here, it's gotta be the that the leading rusher of the day was former Oregon Duck Maurice Morris. Anyone who follows collegiate and professional football is going to see their interests clash from time to time. So by losing on Saturday, I actually... no, still lost. I assume MGB is going to assert his rights and use one free post on this page for whatever purposes he sees fit. I'll give you fair warning before it shows up. Thursday, January 12, 2006
THREE-ALARM SOMETHING AT MAJOR DC INTERSECTION!  Walking back up to my modest SoCo perch this evening, I kept noticing emergency vehicle lights at the end of every block, and upon final approach to the semi-famous cross-streets adjacent to the place whence I now type, it became clear the locus of locii was in fact this arguably noteworthy intersection. And I did what came naturally: I took pictures. More to the point, timid, not-wanting-to-get-in-the-way type pictures. With an abiding deficiency of expertise w/r/t my digi's outdoor capabilities in twilight. Here's what I could salvage: The view from my front walk. These are 3 of 5+ full-on fire trucks parked in the immediate vicinity, and a tiny fraction of the overall emergency vehicles stationed, lights a-flashing, throughout the neighborhood. Easily 20+ with Metro PD cruisers and numerous city-commissioned SUVs and sedans scattered about.  Seriously, is there a crash course in amateur photography I can check my Canon SD450 settings against? (FLOG™, I'm looking in your direction.) Because I didn't shell out $400 American for this. A little while ago I called the Metro PD non-emergency number to find out just what in tarnation was going on outside. After all, there's still a police cruiser or two loitering around 13th Street NW. I was transferred to the local office — which I suspect of being a non-descript townhouse across the street — where a circumspect young officer explained it all away: "Just a traffic light out."  Er, really? Worth blocking off four or five intersections and directing a baker's dozen streets immediately surrounding? For reals? I expressed my skepticism — five fire trucks? He was silent for a moment, and then reaffirmed: "Traffic light, yeah." I didn't have anything else up my sleeve, so I thanked him for his time and hung up — or more accurately, button-pushed and beeped off.I've been clicking away from the 8:30 repeat of "Colbert Report" (my regular viewing hour) to NewsChannel 8 (think NY1 tied to the ABC affiliate, and without the investigative efforts) to no avail. WTOP is of no help. The Post is silent. It's censorship! Apparently tonight they solved the two-neigborhoods-over murder of New York Times editor David Rosenbaum... so perhaps that's it? A human skull turned up in Chevy Chase this evening. That isn't too far away... Anyway, the good news is that I haven't recently been struck in the head with a dart from a blow gun, unlike another Columbia Heights resident I know. P.S. Speaking of "Colbert," how about this indisputably self-referential yet still un-forthcoming AP report on Stephen Colbert's crusade against the AP for not crediting him with the obvious coinage of the word "truthiness"? Sure, as the AP points out, it's the variant of a word stuck way back in the little-visited craw of OED, but the definition of the word is indisputably new. And while I doubt the salience of the word — will it enjoy the same currency a year from now that "strategery" still does? I doubt it. But it comes from the brilliant first epsiode of the surprisingly-durable first episode of "Daily Show"'s first spinoff. So 'fess up already. Wednesday, January 11, 2006
QUEEN FOR A DAY Now that the dread starlet Ana Marie Cox has departed her second popular, poorly-named website to flog her roman à lay, one Eric Pfeiffer has taken over for the week, keeping the spot warm until the new editors assume the position on Monday. Although the locals are restless, his take on Marion Barry's second run-in so far this year (!) has already cured me of the urge to write it up here.  Each post is only worth a pint of beer or so (an import though, or one from the Pacific Northwest, which is essentially the same thing) but if nothing else he can walk away claiming the token distinction of possibly being the last heterosexual male to ever contribute to the blog. What I want to know is, why can't this distinction go to frequent guest-blogger DCeiver, who should have been considered as the permanent replacement? Unlike the new editors, including The Artist Formerly Known As The Article III Groupie — who is actually quite funny — he's actually lived here for awhile. So why are the new editors being imported from New Jersey and New York City?Wonkette was never very wonky, but now I'm afraid it's not going to be very District-y. P.S. — I've always wondered what the .ico for Wonkette was supposed to be. What is that thing? Yes, I see the "W" in the corner. But what's the rest of it. Is it a cat? Is that Stitch from "Lilo and Stitch"? Tuesday, January 10, 2006
BURGUNDY AND GOLD BEATS RED AND BLUE? SAVE IT  When Beltway political types talk about "polarization" in American politics, they're actually talking about the climate in Washington, whether they realize it or not. Sure, the country split 50-49 in 2004, which is pretty damned close, but the actual space separating most Americans (the Greens and Libertarians will never tire of pointing out) is just a few nanometers across.With the Redskins back in the playoffs for the first time since I moved here at least, Bloomberg has jumped on the opportunity to roll out the evergreen about the polarized city coming together to support the currently-mighty Washington Redskins: "The Redskins are the buzz,'' said former Republican U.S. Representative J.C. Watts, who quarterbacked the University of Oklahoma football team two decades ago and has seen his share of manic sports fans. "They just have an aura in this city that other franchises just don't have.''Actually, what matters more is where you're from (and that "can be" are weasel words perfect to the influence industry he works in). Watts and Fenn are part of the city's permanent political establishment, whereas most of the others working in politics here are transients — students, staffers and interns — who "can" root for any one of 31 other teams in the NFL, or the 8 teams still alive. (I've long theorized that sports are so big in the District because the skills useful to analyzing politics are useful for analyzing sports, and it's a break from having to talk shop, but that's another post.) If you are from here, working either for the government or AOL or something else to do with computers, or else the service industry, then of course you root for the Redskins, and you probably aren't reading Bloomberg's wire stories in the first place. Myself, it's too soon to tell if I'm just passing through or not, and growing up in Oregon, I never really got into the Seahawks. But I'm a Redskins fan already. (Meanwhile, everyone else back in the Pacific Northwest* seems to have conveniently adopted Seattle... now that they're 13-3.) Of interest to all local social and economic classes, though, is the fact that because the Redskins snuck into the playoffs on the wild card, there isn't the chance for another home game before next season: This is no small matter in a town where the waiting list for season tickets numbers 150,000, where the Redskins have sold out every game for 39 straight seasons and where skybox seats at the team's FedEx Field are the ultimate status symbol.But there's good news, and it has nothing to do with car insurance: Disgraced [and guilty-pled] lobbyist Jack Abramoff frequently hosted lawmakers, their aides and agency officials at his FedEx Field skybox.Score! Which means plenty of boxes should be opening at the MCI Center, too. Although my loyalties still remain with the Blazers. _____ * The teams will meet for the second time this season (in week four, we won 20-17 in OT) at Qwest Field this Saturday. MGB of PDXNQD and I have been considering a bet, even though I saw how the 'Skins won last week, and so I'm loath to bet anything of real value. I propose the loser has to allow the winner to post anything they want on the other's blog. One post of any length, with no editing allowed, to be posted in a timely fashion. Commentary above and below is allowed, but not within the post itself. Deal? Monday, January 09, 2006
ULTIMATE POP CULTURE FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP THEME SONG That may or may not be the title of the amusing music video linked below, but it might as well be:  According to Wikipedia, and unless we have another J.T. Leroy situation on our hands, the writer, composer and animator of the above is barely 20 years old. I was no pop culture dummy at that age (which wasn't all that long ago) but I'm pretty sure if I was 20 now I wouldn't have thought to put "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly"'s Blondie and Angel Eyes, Cowboy Curtis, a Care Bear, Abraham Lincoln and Lo Pan from "Big Trouble in Little China" into one video project. But even then, it was a different era. And not to turn this post into another tedious exercise like one Canard readers have known of late, but Darth Vader, Benito Mussolini and the Terminator are all partially visible in the above screen capture. I think at this point I'm supposed to say something like p|-|uc|<1n6 5w337 dud3!!! PWN3D!!!!!!!!!! Hat tip to Ad-Rock, and I mean the one who wishes he was in the Beastie Boys, not the one who actually is. DOW HITS 11,000 Pretty cool. Been waiting for that one for a few months. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. That means you, James K. Glassman. Wednesday, January 04, 2006
WELCOME TO THE WASHINGTON CANARD © 2006 It's a been a busy first week back in the District, but the normal pace of blogging here at the Washington Canard (whatever that is) should resume shortly. In the meantime, I ask for no reason except that the thought just popped into my head: Say I actually wanted to know the price of tea in China. What am I to do? Neither this page nor this page nor this page were any help at all. |
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