Where C-SPAN is the local TV news
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| The Washington Canard Where C-SPAN is the local TV news |
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006
"THIS IS HARDBALL. I"M KATHLEEN MATTHEWS, SITTING IN FOR CHRIS MATTHEWS" Today was the last for Mrs. Matthews as lead anchor on the District's ABC affiliate, WJLA-TV. She will become an executive at Marriott. The station's studios are in the ground floor office of my Rosslyn office building, and while I didn't stick around long enough to see if I could finagle a free glass of wine (or two) I did snap a couple dark and blurry shots of the farewell party's media build-up just out front:  But it was early. And as I looked back up toward the building, there she was on the Jumbotron:  And that's how I'll always remember her. Unless maybe Chris comes down with malaria again. Bonus pointless anecdote! — I even have my own Kathleen Matthews story to share: One day a few months ago, I was walking down the street for lunch, probably to Cosi. At the crosswalk I noticed a woman in a gray pinstripe suit walking in the same direction, just ahead of me. I thought to myself, "Is that Kathleen Matthews?" I walked behind her for about half a block, but even when she turned in to the Starbucks, I couldn't see past her blond tresses to determine if, in fact, it was. Then some time after lunch when I was back in my office, I looked up from the computer screen to the TV monitor in the corner, which happened to be on WJLA. There was Kathleen Matthews at the anchor desk, wearing the same gray pinstripe suit, confirming my earlier suspicion. If I thought to myself, "That was Kathleen Matthews," my memory does not recover the fact. P.S. Actually, the very next afternoon I was in the ground floor coffee shop for my routine post-lunch recharging when... who came in to say goodbye to the coffee shop ladies but one Kathleen Matthews? Now, I suppose I'll remember that instead. And for the foreseeable future, there will be Mrs. Matthews' oversized mug looming over the building's two-story foyer:  P.P.S. There — took me a week, but I got the picture up. And now I'm slightly regretting the malaria crack; as it turns out, Chris Matthews didn't show up for his own wife's retirement party because he was in the hospital with diabetes complications — and hasn't been on television since. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery. "Hardball" isn't worth getting shouting-at-the-television worked up about without him. Saturday, November 25, 2006
WELCOME TO THE BRAND NEW, SAME OLD WASHINGTON CANARD If you're reading this, then it's safe to assume you've figured out that the Washington Canard is no longer being updated at http://washingtoncanard.blogspot.com, and that all new updates will be taking place right here, at http://www.washingtoncanard.com. If not, then it was nice having you as a reader. This move has been a long time coming. I've owned this domain for almost two years now, and have tried to move this account to MT and WP in this space, but I always held back, for two reasons:
2. I wasn't finding one I really liked for either non-Blogger platform. So just before Thanksgiving I'd made my decision. And then this morning, with the tryptophan and whiskey finally out of my system, I woke up and decided to get it done. And that's that. Unfortunately, any links to old posts will no longer work. I've updated a few where it seemed reasonable to do so, like with the "Great Spams" link collection below. Otherwise it will drop you off back at the old Canard page (which I re-registered immediately after switching the hosting, lest it be snapped up by spammers). And although the archives seem to be working, there may well be some nasty surprises going forward. If you notice anything specifically not working, feel free to let me know in the comments or via e-mail. Tuesday, November 21, 2006
WHAT'S NOT IN THE TECHNORATI TOP 100 The Washington Canard, not to mention nearly 100% of all blogs. Nor is Blog P.I., but I can still tell you what is in Technorati's aforementioned Top 100, and start to grapple with what it means. But if you're in a hurry, here's just the Top 10:  Saturday, November 18, 2006
GREAT SPAMS OF THE INTERNET All spam is equal, but some spam is more equal than others. Take for instance these three specimens caught by the practical (if not perfect) Akismet spam filter at Blog P.I.:  Specimen #1 Hi! No it's not unless that site linked to me! Otherwise it's considered trackback abuse! And if you really want to get down to it, this is actually a sping! But it caught my eye for at least being marginally conversant in the terminology of the web. I also like that if you follow the link, it delivers you to a 404 page -- with advertising. Best of all, the emoticon seems to have a drooling problem.  Specimen #2 This may be the first argumentative spam I've seen. What's more, it begins in media res, as if we'd been having some kind of debate and I had accused "Joshua" of being a spaz. But I do not understand why that is good news, nor do I know what that has to do with Celtic gold rings. I suggest spamming Larry Bird.  Specimen #3 I haven't studied Japanese since college, and I can't quite figure out what this is saying (fluent readers will notice I've cropped some text out of the image) but I recall enough Nihongo to tell that it's something dirty. P.S. — I've been doing this "Great Spams" thing for years now, and it's long past due that I provide links to earlier entries. Ahem. Previously in the "Great Spams" series: I have been spamed · Sie haben spam! · Christian Bill Removers · The Internet Explosion will only happen once · Cost you your job · Jessica24 · Wild Chsristy · Yanta kai · Art Vandelay · Gold Dust · Great Spams of eBay · Philomena Chungu · The Spammies · William Morrison · Do Not Judge StrictlyThursday, November 16, 2006
TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER  Good thing I left the balcony door to my apartment open when I left for work this morning. Tuesday, November 14, 2006
WORST. LAUNDRY DAY. EVER. or, THE CASE FOR A CLOTHING-OPTIONAL SOCIETY The truth of the matter is I'd put off doing my laundry for too long. But then, there's a good excuse for why I didn't get it all done last week — of the six washing machines in the basement of my building, four were broken. But they break and get repaired on a fairly regular basis. And it's pretty critical I get at least one load done this evening — as of today I have no clean work clothes, and tomorrow there's a political blogger conference at GWU. So of course when I get downstairs there's now just one machine working. But that's okay. I've brought with me one load of my most presentable collared shirts and all of my jeans and slacks, and into the washing machine they go, followed by the liquid detergent. I put my card into the slot, which has just enough money left for one cycle of the washer and dryer each.  But immediately, the electronic readout starts spitting back gibberish — the same gibberish I'd seen on the other machines last week. I press the buttons again. The machine doesn't start — but it does eat the last of my money. My lucky day, huh? Trust me, it gets better. My only decent clothes are now covered with soapy blue goop in this metal cylinder in my basement. I have no extra cash to add to the card, and the nearest laundromat is blocks away — if it's even still open (it's in a strip mall that's being slowly vacated in advance of demolition). So I do what comes natural. I scream four-letter words at the top of my lungs and kick the washing machine. It takes several tries before I give myself a slight headache and cause a bit of cosmetic damage. So that kind of rules out going to the front office with my complaints — as if it was worth trying to haggle over $2.75.  I head back upstairs, grab a plastic garbage bag, return to the laundry room, fill it with my clothes -- and into the bathtub they go. I fill it with hot water, use a mop handle to make the water churn, and then I drain the tub while running the shower. And then I repeat. And repeat.  In between, I walk to the BP a block away to take money out of the ATM and break it into smaller bills by buying food I didn't want. And return: Fill tub, drain with shower running, repeat. It's a lot harder to get all the soap suds out than I'd thought, and in the end I had to call it good enough.  So I spend ten minutes wringing as much water as I can out of everything (socks, easy; jeans, not so easy). I load it all into my laundry basket — now about three times as heavy as before, and take it back downstairs. What's the first thing I see? Somebody has a load of laundry running in my machine. You know, the one that I kicked in?  Maybe I will go ask for my money — and it won't be $2.75, either. That's because I load my sopping wet laundry into the dryer, insert card (now $10 more valuable) and... damned thing won't turn on. That's $4.25 they owe me now. I try the dryer one over, willing to spend the money just to find out -- and lo and behold, this one works. Of course, because the torque created by my arms isn't up to the centrifugal forces of the average spin cycle, I've got to run it for 90 minutes. And that's where my clothes are now — tumbling away until 11 o'clock tonight. So in the end, everything looks like everything's going to work out; call it a lose-lose-lose-win situation. If nothing else I'll at least have some clean clothes by tomorrow — and this lousy blog post. P.S. It's actually been a worse day than just this, but at least this one I can laugh about. I mean, later. Sunday, November 12, 2006
I WANNA SPEAK LIKE COMMON PEOPLE LIKE ME Coming from an urban/suburban environment in the Pacific Northwest as I do, I've never considered myself to have an accent as such. Now, confirmation via that most reliable of indicators, the online quiz:  What's "lowest common denominator" supposed to mean? That the sound of my speech is the linguistic equivalent of a Charlie Sheen sitcom or celebrity gossip rag? I can live with that. Friday, November 10, 2006
I AM JACK'S AUTOMATED MESSAGE While surfing teh Intarwebs today, I came across this independent report from the Oregon governor's race in the comments of an obscure Midwestern blog (if this is not proof that I spend too much time in the blogosphere, I'm not sure what else would do): The election phone calls I received several times a day for the last week were mostly annoying, but one call made up for it: "Hi, this is Edward Norton. Yeah, the actor from Fight Club. I'm calling to ask you to vote for Governor Ted Kulongoski..."Tell me, current Oregon residents -- you or anyone you know get one of these automated calls?  And really, why wouldn't you take this man's advice? Tuesday, November 07, 2006
IF YOU WOULD REMOVE THE VOTE FROM YOUR BROTHER'S EYE, FIRST REMOVE THE REGIME FROM YOUR OWN The last time an election day rolled around, I was writing for a different blog with a different focus with different level of disclosure about my identity, and I wasn't yet writing about the blogosphere as an analyst. So incidentally or coincidentally, I had a lot more to say then. In lieu of something actually interesting to say, I might as well just share my half-assed predictions prepared (in all of a minute) for an internal staff newsletter late last week:
Now is as good a time as any to mention that the fourth of the four Bush-Cheney '04 glasses my brother got me for Christmas in (I think) 2003 broke, just within the past few weeks:  If that's symbolic of anything, well, you'll just have to let me know. Monday, November 06, 2006
WHILE I WAS WORKING Apparently this happened just around the corner and down the hill from my apartment building: Yippee. Today all traffic and pedestrians are being diverted from 14th Street between Clifton and Florida Ave and plainclothes detectives are crawling everywhere. After being yelled at for trying to get home through the police tape, I ran into another cop digging through dumpsters in the alley behind my building and asked him what was up. A broad daylight stabbing on 14th Street. No word on whether the male victim survived or whether it was gang-related or what.Via the newly re-designed, even more NY Observer-like* Wonkette. * Not my original observation, but until the author finally gets his blog up and running, I can't throw him a link. THE INTERCEPTION EXCEPTION Did Joey Harrington lead the struggling Miami Dolphins to an upset win over the top-ranked Chicago Bears yesterday?  Yes, yes I think he did. This was one game where Joey actually thew fewer interceptions than the opposing quarterback. Sure, he still threw two, but this was also a game where he threw more touchdowns than picks. Don't knock it — that's progress! And wouldn't you know? Only hours before the game, I dropped him from my fantasy roster to make room for a replacement player. If you're wondering, yes, I am ashamed. But mostly because my usual starter, Tom Brady, threw four interceptions. P.S. In other football news, this weekend was a pleasant reversal from last weekend. This time the UO and Washington (not the Fuskies, of course) both won: the Ducks, handily; the Redskins, barely. P.P.S. Try saying the headline of this post three times fast. Betcha can't. Saturday, November 04, 2006
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS  Via www.americatopten.com, which looks like a splog, but upon further review appears to be merely uglified by too much AdSense. P.S. Speaking of Google's AdSense, these people aren't very happy about it. GETTING BLAZED I have in the past said that if the Washington Wizards ever came to their senses and went back to being the Washington Bullets, I'd make them my second-favorite NBA team. Well, thanks to people like Gilbert Arenas, the immensely talented total nutcase, and of course sheer physical proximity, they already sort of are. But even here in the District, I still see more people on the Metro wearing Blazers jerseys than any Wizards apparel.  Of course, the Blazers have been getting attention for all the wrong reasons, and I wonder, if the Blazers have finally put together a team that isn't shuttling between team practice and court dates, if that's going to come to an end. In fact, Bill Simmons warns that Portland fans will have a hard time adjusting:But here's the thing, Blazers fans: You're going to miss the dysfunction. You're going to miss having an identity, even if that identity was a running joke that included the word "jail." You're going to miss waking up and reading stories like "One of our guys was berating people at a charity car wash yesterday," or having a buddy call you just to ask, "Guess who just got arrested with pot in his car?" You're going to miss wondering if two teammates are about to come to blows in the huddle, and you're definitely going to miss those wacky stories about pit-bull fights and guys trying to sneak marijuana through an airport security. Now you're just a fan of another NBA lottery team. You're nothing special. That's why you feel hollow inside. You're like Red after he gets out in "Shawshank" -- you can't make it on the outside. By December, you'll be rooting for Randolph to rob a gas station or something. Just remember we had this conversation.But hey, they won their first game! And even Simmons seems to be on the Brandon Roy Rookie of the Year ("ROY") bandwagon. So maybe things aren't quite so grim? Well, they probably are. But still. It's better than losing your team to Oklahoma City. |
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